Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
