I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
