It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
