doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize