how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
