Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I woke up under a house in Key West
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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