Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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