Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
