I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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