Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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