she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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