Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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