I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
