Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
