dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.