Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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