It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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