I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
