Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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