do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
