theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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