Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
