Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
