Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it's like iHOP with fire
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
