sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
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Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
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Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize