I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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