Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Randomize
