I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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