Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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