remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
