Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
