I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
