I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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