Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
