He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i wish my penis had a tongue
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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