ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
