ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize