...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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