no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i dont even know how to be here
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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