Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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