I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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