Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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