Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
