every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
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Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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