I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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