The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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