Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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