I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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