That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
