Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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