I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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