I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
