wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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