also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
