you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
