she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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