She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
