John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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