we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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