whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We left an ass print on the piano.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize