Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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