it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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