i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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