I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
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For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.