For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
is that a dick in a sweater?