i can't believe i had my finger in that
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
high people should be assigned attendants
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
We were destined to go to rehab together
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
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