Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever