Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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