No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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