so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
