Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
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