She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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