wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
