Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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