im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
