I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
