you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
