Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
She even gives head with a lisp.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
