Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
